3 Times You Almost Lost All Hope

1. When your mom leaves you in line at the grocery store to “grab something she forgot”… without a form of payment 

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I blame my mother for my extreme anxiety because of the torture she used to put me through at the grocery store. Let me set the scene… you are being the best daughter ever, neatly stacking the groceries on the conveyer built, trying to put them up there as quick as you can so you can get to the real fun… bagging, when all of a sudden your mom says “darn, I forgot the bread”. You don’t think anything of it at the time because you are trapped between your cart and the woman’s cart in front of you and the only thing you can think of is that you can now sneak a pack of gum on the belt while your mom is gallivanting in carbs. About 30 seconds into your gum-themed daydream the sound of a check being ripped out of a check book calls your attention as the woman in front of you has now completed her transaction and your groceries start to cross the threshold only to be stopped by the scanner for a brief second. You look up at the cashier in pure horror because your mother, the woman who is supposed to love you unconditionally has left you moneyless and hopeless for what seems to be hours to find bread which is clearly labeled to be molding in aisle 7. As you try to hide your panic you begin to calculate the amount of time you have left before you either start crying or jump the conveyer belt and sprint out of the store. You calculate that you only have about 45 seconds left and while standing on your tip toes peering over the US Weekly wall you realize the line behind you has gotten longer… this my friends is what I call the point of no return. You then start to convince yourself “she wouldn’t really leave me like this, right? she wouldn’t leave me to fend for myself? She has to be coming back.” And as the cashier gets to the very last items and searches the apple for a 4-digit number on the sticker you hear a familiar voice that resembles that of the devil becoming an angel… your mom. For all that is holy she is back, she found the god damn bread and she hands over her credit card like it’s no big thing and you wipe your brow, take your first breath and casually slip the packet of gum into your back pocket. For all the distress she has caused you, you deserve that gum.

2. When you send a text to the wrong person

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I believe in karma for one reason and one reason only; when I am talking shit about someone via text I absolutely, no question about it, send that shit-talking text to the person I am shit talking. I don’t know what it is about my brain that wants me to torture myself but I guess I deserve it and I guess it’s my own personal way of trying to teach myself a lesson. My sophomore year of college I received a text from this man, let’s call him Brett, asking me if I wanted to grab lunch with him. Not a big deal but I wasn’t feeling it because in college I’m 99.9% sure I was scared shitless of dating. So I did what any normal 20 year old would do and I texted my girlfriend, let’s call her Jen, the following text message…

Jen! That kid just asked me to lunch and in no way am I going to suffer through that for an hour. Give me an excuse of why I can’t make it… stomach bug? death in the family?….

Send.

And as close to being at the top of the largest drop in roller coaster history my stomach beat my mind in realizing what I had just done. The moral of the story is that Brett and I never went to lunch… shocker… but he did call me and text me to remind me of ho much of an immature bitch I was, a reminder that I very clearly did not need. That was the second time I lost all hope.

3. When your only prospect is taken from you…

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Octagon Digital, as seen on Mashable.com

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MasterCard’s #PricelessSurprises campaign was in full swing at the 2014 SXSW. A free-standing vending machine was the star of the Mashable house when conference goers realized that simply by tweeting (something they were already doing in excess) could get them an iPod, Beats by Dr. Dre or a trip to London. Now THAT’S a priceless surprise. 

Congrats to Octagon’s Digital team for this brain child and the MasterCard account team who just hit it out of the park!

Take the Training Wheels Off

At some point we all have to take the training wheels off.

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What is that saying? Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man how to fish and he will eat for a lifetime? Whatever. Something like that.

Apply that to social media.

As someone who offered social media services to those more popular than myself (which didn’t take much) I found myself in a gray area when discussing what I would and wouldn’t do in regards to physically posting updates for a client or for how long I would offer such services.

Being authentic is the key to coming out alive in the social Colosseum (Gladiator reference was inevitable and dramatic). It’s obvious that busy schedules allow for less digital interaction and contractual status updates are necessary and sometimes have to be done by finger tips of administrators but the magic moments only made by the actual “famous” person opens the gate to a larger fan base, builds a solid clientele and more importantly lays the foundation of a long-distance relationship kept close through technology.

Why do people follow their favorite singers on YouTuber? Why do we follow our favorite actresses on twitter? Why do we sit on the edge of our seats to watch our favorite athletes on a Google+ Hangout during the work day? Because we want to see candid moments. We want unplanned, unmarketed and untainted breaths of fresh air with people that we believe we would relate to.

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I’ve said it before and I will say it again (for dramatic effect)… good social strategy transforms what once was a monologue into a dialogue. It allows for minds to change, opinions to be formed and moments to not just feel real but actually be real.

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“What do you guys think? Slight slant to the left in 1.5 yards?” -T.Woods

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“Models eat too” – AL

We social media strategist owe it to our clients and to our sanity to teach them rather than do for them. Take the script of Coach Carter and throw Anne Hathaway’s away next to last season’s Pradas.

No matter how much you know about a client; the bios you have read, the company mission you have memorized or the event you have attended for a decade; no one will know the communication objectives and the honest thoughts better than the person behind the brand.

Teach for four-six months then let them go. Show them best practices and implement weekly programming (tweetups, Google+ Hangouts, etc.) but allow them to post on their own. Those fan tweets are just as important as the paid-per-tweet updates so remind them of that a few extra times. 😉

It may feel like dropping your baby off at their first day of school and it may feel like you are throwing someone with a paper cut into a pool full of sharks; but either way it has to be done.

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If you have done your job and you have communicated the importance of fan/client/customer interaction than they will be just fine. And you can smile as you scroll through your twitter feed knowing that they RT a fan on her Birthday all on their own. And you can pat yourself on the back quietly and without acknowledgment because you are a mascot and no one can know who is under the giant head.

+1, RT and LIKE to you!

P.S. If you run Tom Brady’s Facebook Fan page or know who does please dear lord get in contact with me. His fans and sponsors deserve some authentic moments and know the truth; that you are a 15-year-old posting during recess or a middle-aged man in your mom’s basement.

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10 Holiday Gifts for Your Social Media Muse

1. @Custom #Jewelry

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Thanks to the minds over at Survival of the Hippest giving a custom gift for any twitter obsessed man or woman on your list is easy. If I were a guy buying for my girl I would aim more towards the #Love bracelet and stay away from the #fail necklace. Just a hint for you funny, funny dudes out there.

2. Google Chromebook

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Not all social media lovers are techies and this is something very important to remember when shopping for those who just want to stay connected without the hassle of today’s gadgets. The new Google Chromebook starts at $199 and is made for everyone. It is simple, smart, durable and incredibly user friendly. Whether you have an adventurer that just needs a laptop to search and discover new trails, a grandmother that wants to see pictures of her new grandchildren or a college kid that loves making movies and music, this is the computer to buy.

3. YouTube socks

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Your stocking stuffer search (pun) is over! Nothing says social media geek like the witty play on tradition tube socks. These are too great. There is not much more to say here.

4. iPhone Case

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There are millions of iPhone cases out there but it’s vital for the social media muse to make a statement. Again… a witty one. Show them you think they are the sh*t and give them a “Like a Boss” iPhone case for the holidays.

5. Typewriter for iPad

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This may just be the most creative gift thus far. I can’t even start to explain how amazing this USB connectable typewriter for iPad is. We all have that old school person on our list… you know the one that insists they like to read an actual book and not a nook. The one that never has their cell phone on them because they “want to feel connected to the real world”. Well, here is the perfect gift for them. Give them a trip down memory lane of walking to school up hill both ways and writing on a typewriter where a “delete” button was a white-out sheet that had to be carefully placed in the right space. They won’t even know they are typing on an iPad.

6. Friendcup

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Show that social media geek that their personal branding and hard work at being obsessed with Facebook has paid off and give them a friendcup. Nothing says Happy Holidays like all your “friend’s” faces on a mug. It is sure to start anyone’s day off on the right foot.

Speaking of foot…

7. Social Kicks

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Thanks to some genius artist your social media queen or king can rock out without their crocks out. Give your friend a boost in the fashion department that is sure to cause a stir out on the streets. These custom painted social kicks are inspired by a variety of social platforms, super heroes and television shows.

8. Pillow Talk

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Nothing says “I think your obsessed” like a slew of social media inspired pillows to rest one’s head on. The creative seamstress makes twitter pillows, GMail pillows, RSS feed pillows and more. Whatever your special someone’s obsession is… they have an (app) pillow for that!

9. “Like” Bra

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The Victoria’s Secret Angels must have forgot to throw this on during last week’s fashion show. I’m not sure what would make my Christmas more special than unwrapping a gift from a special someone and finding a Facebook inspired bra. Just think of how B.A. you would feel being at work and knowing what you have under that business suit. It will channel a whole new level of confidence. Just don’t wear it under a white shirt with any chance of rain. #Awkward.

10. Fast Company Subscription

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I am going to be serious on this last one. Fast Company is by far my favorite social media magazine. I read about two hours worth of blogs a day and could probably get all the information I need from those but I just can’t seem to abandon Fast Company. For those on your list that want to have a career in social media, build their brand through digital marketing or just want to find out what is cutting edge THIS is the gift that keeps on giving.

HAPPY SHOPPING!

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What’s Your Type of Guy?

What’s your type? What keeps you coming back for more? Is it intelligence? Is it personality? Is it potential for future success? Is it what your friends say?

Wait. Are we talking boys here or are we talking social media platforms? Oh buckle up tweeks, we are talking both. Let’s face our closet Cosmopolitan obsession and breakdown boyfriend “types” in comparison to their eerie similar social media platforms. If you have any other similarities put them in the comments… I’d love to see what kinds of fish in the sea I haven’t tried yet. 😉

Facebook: The Obsessed Boyfriend

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With the recent buzz about Facebook’s privacy holes this was a no brainer. Now I know women get the “overly obsessed” and “snoopy” stereotypes before boys but let’s be serious people… when a girl leaves her phone on the nightstand for too long you KNOW you take a peak. Know her password? You probably have plugged it into her email, Facebook, twitter, etc., just to see if you can gain access to those ever-so-coveted message conversations. Oh is that a naked pic of another man on her phone? Welp… sucks he put his face in the photo (amateur) because now it’s being turned into a meme. Payback is a bitch. These obsessed boyfriends always start the conversations with the same questions; What are you doing? Where are you going? Who are you going with?… oh I’m sorry… are you my father? Nahhhh didn’t think so. BUT there is something great about someone who cares so much about you that they are watching your every move… cue the Vampires.

Twitter: The Quiet Boyfriend

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Alright ladies, this can go one of two ways. Either the boy is a quiet hero or he literally just doesn’t have anything to say. You know that heartthrob in movies? The jock that is quiet, nice and smart but doesn’t say much? There is so much more to him and it takes a cute farmer’s daughter who loves reading to truly understand him? THIS my friend is the goal. THIS is the perfect “quiet boyfriend.” On the other end of things if a boy is quiet because there is not more to the story than that kind relationship is less than ideal. That’s cool he talks about going to the gym, what he just ate and sends you awesome muscle-mirror pics but let’s be honest here there are a million people just like him. Rules to live by #234: If you don’t have anything deeper to say… don’t say anything at all.

Google+: The Super Social Boyfriend

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Ever meet a guy that is good at everything? Knows everyone and just likes to be part of all of the conversations? Yeah… me neither BUT he must exist somewhere cause my friend posts photos of herself and him at EVERY. SINGLE. EVENT. in the city on the reg. Ugh hate her. Kidding. But not really. Dabbling in a lot of different activities is a great way to meet new people and that is exactly what this guy does. He is a sports junkie, an adrenaline seeker loves to cook and tickles the ivories on occasion. One night you are talking to his friends in cooking class and the next you are high-fiving after Gronkowski’s ninth touchdown of the season. He is the connector. The center of the social web in which you are now involved so roll up your sleeves, throw on that eye black and just enjoy the ride. He just gets better with time.

Instagram: The Boyfriend that Taylor Swift Writes About

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You knew T Swift had dated your boyfriend when she wrote, “some indy record that’s much cooler than mine.” I may even go as far as to call this guy a hipster. I mean he has 20-15 vision and ALWAYS has those dark rimmed glasses on. Don’t get me wrong (I’m just bitter about the breakup and can’t write a song like my girl TS so I am blogging about it) the relationship with this guy is good. He is calculated in his words. Almost like he filters his thoughts. Abbreviating and the over-use of “rad” are common occurrences. There are many sides to him and he tends to attract a lot of attention from other women. When grabbing coffee on more than one occasion he will be talking to you and then another female will come right into the conversation and completely change the topic of conversation. Like no! I don’t want to know how to make more money of the side and get rich fast… but thanks. (Mean girl snark then turn your back).

Stumbleupon: The Guy That Just Showed Up Out of Nowhere

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Every single time I get on an airplane I fantasize that maybe this time (unlike the past 1932323253 flights) a cute guy will be the one that has the 17A to my 17B. It has never happened. But if it ever did he would be THIS guy. The one that fate just happened to help you find. A guy that turns a normal day into an extraordinary one. He appeared out of nowhere and though he isn’t sitting in first class (too perfect) he is back in coach with you (hopefully because he gave up his first class seat to a pregnant lady like a gentleman). Before you are ordered to shut your phone off you send a quick text to your 30+ girlfriends and act cool. Trying to take your jacket off and facing potential awkwardness of getting it stuck half way off of you will not do… You will deal with the heat and claustrophobia because this is a once in a lifetime find. Let’s just hope this is a seven-hour flight and not a 30 minute puddle jumper… that would be a waste.