50 Thoughts During the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Here are 50 of the 2,371 thoughts Nicole and I had during last night’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show! 


  1. Fuck it. Eating Ice Cream.
  2. Should have done dishes… need a spoon!
  3. I didn’t eat all day so this ice cream is fine- it balances itself out
  4. I shouldn’t eat…. anything. Ever
  5. I wonder if the wings weigh more than them
  6. I weigh more than them AND the wings… separately or combined
  7. I don’t think I have that leg muscle that is on the inside of their thighs
  8. I love my body- I love my body (I would 100% no questions asked trade my body)
  9. You 100% did not eat that
  10. Those behind-the-scenes cuts to them eating must be stunt doubles
  12. How many angels does it take to tie those shoes- I wear slippers and UGGs to avoid tying my shoes…
  13. What is the air like at 6-5?
  14. They obviously tape delay for photo shopping time
  15. Nine-day tape delay for a bazillion models (rough estimate)… it would take an editor an extra 8 days to just photo shop me. I would be cut because I would ruin the on-air broadcast deadline.
  16. Hot or not… me wearing 4 foot wings in the bedroom?
  17. Definitely hot.  Where are wings sold?
  18. I think this is more for women than men… I get the meaning of a girl crush… I don’t question those feelings… they are natural… God wants us ALL to love angels.
  19. Fuck this
  20. Fall, fall, fall, fall
  22. I’d fall… I fell in my UGGs last night
  23. Sober
  24. If I went to the gym for 6 hours a day for the next 200 years I wouldn’t look like that
  25. So much bronzer
  26. That’s it?  That’s all you do for your workout regimen…Jump rope and 10 sit ups a day?  LIES.  Your name is LIAR.
  27. Grocery list; bronzer, shaving cream, skin tightening cream, bread, ice cream, milk, pasta, hummus, chips and guac, anything solid, anything not water
  28. That Church song is getting so much playing time
  29. OK I lied, that wink was amazing.  I should start winking more.
  30. I look more like the guy singing this church song than I do the models
  31. If I was the executive producer I would have Sam Smith enter stage left right….. NOW
  32. I can see the top and bottom of the ribbon wrapped around their stomachs
  33. You would just see skin if I tightly tied ribbon around my stomach
  34. I should test this theory
  35. Proven true… cannot see ribbon
  36. I would have easily been 2 points higher on the hotter scale in 1950
  37. I love my curves
  38. Andddd now i’m crying into my Lean Cuisine.
  39. I wonder if the words on the back of that underwear reads the same if it’s a little stretched out
  40. Can you lose weight from crying?
  41. If I go to the gym everyday this month I will reward myself with new bra and underwear
  42. I caved… ordered bra and underwear in one-size smaller
  43. #Thinspiration
  44. I just made chickpea cookie dough… please kill me
  45. I wonder why there are no food sponsors…hahah just kidding
  46. If I date a guy that wants me to look like that he better be Ryan Gosling in all movies minus Drive… ok he was super hott in Drive
  47.  I wonder if my Target brand underwear would look good on the runway…
  48. Im literally doing squats with Ben & Jerrys in one hand and my spoon in the other
  49. I hate this
  50. I wonder where next year’s show will be.